I haven’t spoken to my father in almost two years, and it’s been a painful and complicated journey. One of the pivotal moments for me was on my wedding day. I didn’t receive any message from him—not even a simple acknowledgment. I had hoped to hear from him, and his silence cut deeply, making me realize how distant we had become.
I feel a lot of anger and sadness because it seems like we will never have the relationship I’ve always wanted. I long for a connection where he takes interest in my life and my choices, even when they differ from his own. Instead, I often feel dismissed or disregarded, especially when it comes to my boundaries. For example, whenever politics comes up, I feel disrespected because he tends to push against the limits I’ve tried to set.
There’s also a significant element of fear in our dynamic. I worry that if I attempt to rebuild our relationship, he might use his financial resources as a means of control over me and my family. This fear makes it hard for me to see a path forward that feels safe and genuine.
Right now, I’m in a space where I’m trying to determine IF or how I want to re-establish any sort of relationship with him. I want to find out if it’s possible for us to interact in a way that respects each other’s boundaries, takes a real interest in one another’s lives, and supports each other’s choices—even when we disagree. It’s a difficult and ongoing process, but I’m trying to be honest with myself about what I need and what I’m willing to work towards.
This is not a random question. I think it’s important to getting at the root of all this:
How exactly would he establish financial control over you, if you were to get in touch with him?
I’d say as long as that is a possibility, it indicates that there is a share of that control mechanism living in your own brain.
This tells me you have things you need to work out with yourself before you try to mend things with your father. Basically there’s no mechanism by which one adult can financially control another adult, without that second adult being an active participant in the process.
As a first step, you should figure out what latent software exists within you, that is ready to activate and provide him access to controlling your life.
Do you have a therapist? If not that’s good first step.