D’you think we can get Ricardo Montalban to hypnotise one of the sportsball players?

Little Shop of Horrors and Beetlejuice.

You joke, but crop milk is a thing:

Crop milk is a secretion from the lining of the crop of parent birds in some species that is regurgitated to young birds. It is found among all pigeons and doves where it is also referred to as pigeon milk. Crop milk is also secreted from the crop of flamingos and the male emperor penguin, suggesting independent evolution of this trait. Unlike in mammals where only females produce milk, crop milk is produced by both males and females in pigeons and flamingos; and in penguins, only by the male. Lactation in birds is controlled by prolactin, which is the same hormone that causes lactation in mammals.

I bet he drinks Carling Black Label.

(https://piped.video/watch?v=aY9GBl7UmVs)