If you think that what you are doing to someone else is too humiliating, degrading, unacceptable to think about happening to you, there’s something to explore.
Go to 45:40 for a bit more context, but this quote is enough to start the discussion I have in mind.
The idea is simple and it’s mostly aimed at the ones with little interested in BDSM. BDSM is not abuse. It might be abusive, which is absolutely bad, but that should never be the nature of the practice.
From time to time, I see accusations of abuse being dismissed with the excuse it’s just a form of BDSM that people outside can’t understand. It’s not that hard to grasp the concepts, but you’ll notice you will never get an explanation. Serious people will know what they are talking about and are able to provide you with resources for you to educate yourself. Honestly, most people would find all the education and preparation quite boring, the same way someone that just wants to cut people up would find too bothersome to become a surgeon.
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The surge in interest in BDSM since 50 Shades came out has not been kind to the community. People want to just play without learning anything, and this is a very risky space in terms of the possibility of abuse wrapped under the guise of kink.
I’ve not been on FetLife in nearly a decade as a result, and I don’t even go to the subreddits for my main kinks anymore.
Yeah, exactly. The mainstream seems to be only to be able to depict abuse being kink.
The latest one is Babygirl (film) I’ve not seen it but based on the trailer it sure looked that way. I hope it isn’t but I don’t have high hopes of a mainstream film or other media ever depicting actually good consent and kinks beyond the ones most associated with the mainstream understanding of kink.
I think Secretary didn’t do a terrible job. But it’s been downhill from there.
There are so many kinks within BDSM that trying to lump them all together is pointless. I’m a switch, so it’s never clear what role I’ll take with a new partner. But going into details has in the past not worked out so well here.
There is a kink education and discussion community if you’d like to post it there: !kink@lemmy.blahaj.zone
Thanks for the suggestion. I wanted to bring this to attention to the people outside that won’t look up even the superficial stuff, which is consent.
Thinking about it a little more, that quote is great for the people that get convinced to perform a scene because their partner wants to experience being a sub and might end up traumatizing themselves for what they have done.
Wouldn’t do it to yourself under any circumstances, don’t do it to others.
This is why ‘doms’ need to go through training what it’s like to be a ‘sub’ ioo and possibly vice verse, to notice and deal with the potential pitfalls.
Dear god, the number of people who reach out to me calling me Daddy. Opening message. No fucking clue that you don’t do that.
