Parachutes also haven’t been scientifically proven to work. They’ve never been double blind tested.

Dear vegan absolutists, you are letting perfect be the enemy of good.

People eating less meat? Awesome. Don’t chastise them for not eating no meat.

Yes, don’t vote for him. The fascist wannabe dictator that wants Israel to nuke Gaza instead is a much better option.

If you think that’s bad, some old arcade cabinets had suicide batteries. Their only purpose was to keep a sram chip alive that held a decryption key. Battery dies? No more game for you.

Probably not, no.

That old toaster was pretty cool though.

We can’t bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don’t go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for m’shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. “Gimme five bees for a quarter,” you’d say. Now where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…

Tesla is going to be scrapping a heck of a lot more if they don’t get their act together. This is coming from a Model S owner.

To your stomach, all potatoes are mashed potatoes. - Mitch Hedberg

Lost Prophets. Lead singer fucked babies.

The spines on a buffalo are a lot thicker and shorter. Any muscle attached to the spines of a spinosaurus would snap them in half.