There’s no reason this has to be binary. You don’t have to choose between her being a makeovers and mimosas pal and being an enemy or a stranger. There’s a lot of space between those poles, and there’s no reason that you have to choose a static point on that continuum and stick with it forever.
Right now, you’re hurting and reestablishing boundaries and your sense of self. If she’s the friend she says she wants to be, she will respect that and give you space. After you’ve had some time to heal, maybe you can be more friendly, but for now she should accept your need to insulate a bit.
For me, the primary, immediate goals would be to a) heal and b) avoid making things worse for the kids.
Portland or Seattle would for those criteria well as long as you don’t mind rain. Both very progressive cities, weather is generally mild (rarely above 85, rarely below 30, usually less than 2 weeks a year with snow).