It’s been a good day. Renovations at home are progressing a bit, we got some supplies and tools today, hopefully tomorrow we’ll actually get to start. Also bicycled to see a friend’s kiddo who’s growing up real fast! Last time the kid was really shy of us but now we played a lot together and even got hugs! I also had 2 ice creams and a great cup of coffee today! Sun was shining, spring is coming. Things are looking quite positive.

I had a rough couple weeks and it always frightens me how long the bad times will last and how bad it will get, but this week’s been good and I feel quite relieved right now.

Hoggo

^ I’m with stupid

Lucky you, sounds like a chill lifestyle

Feels, I struggle with the same issue as well. I suppose for me at least it’s the shame I’ve built up over the years for being different/“wrong” all the time and the low self-esteem and fear of rejection it has caused as well as general lack of security in relationships. One ends up expecting anger and rejection from others so of course it tries to avoid being confronted/blamed and instead reason/explain the situation away. Or shift blame. Being on spectrum can make us impulsive and dramatic so being reasonable and taking a step back is difficult when there already is a conflict. It does help me to realize that being AuDHD has a big impact on how I handle (or don’t) conflicts and having this explanation helps me tackle the shame and communicate the reasons for my shittyness to my partner, and change my behavior step by step where needed. It takes a lot of trust though and a shared interest on improving the relationship.

I wish the stimulants would stimulate happiness and not just urine production

Maybe a little bit OT but if you enjoy a different perspective on the history of humanity I’d recommend Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman.

“It argues that people are decent at heart and proposes a new worldview based on the corollaries of this optimistic view of human beings. It argues against ideas of humankind’s essential egotism and malevolence. The book engages in a multi-disciplinary study of historical events, an examination of scientific studies, and philosophical argumentation in order to advance Bregman’s opinion that, this outlook is more realistic compared to its negative counterpart.” -Wikipedia

Flu getting better, motorbike not so much, tried to disassemble and clean my almost-20-year-old Philips sandwich grill but it was such a mess inside + also ended up breaking a lamp when trying to remove a stuck screw so we decided to just lay it to rest and get a new one with removable plates. That bad boy Cucina was definitely worth every penny I paid for it back in the day (probably cost like 30€)!

Momma looks like she can’t wait for junior to leave the nest and have some good ol’ peace and quiet for herself!

Nice babies you’ve got there! And in perfect order!

I caught the flu a couple days back but today I was able to get out for some time. I was planning to not do much, but ended up in the garage and started doing some projects, like fixing a lamp that has been waiting for several years, and servicing the problematic fuel petcock of my motorbike as well as continuing with the carbs. Stayed the garage for over 5 hours. I really needed that hands-on work for a change, but choosing not to rest today wasn’t probably very smart at this point.

I started a free programming course today. I’m trying to keep myself occupied during slow work days and focus on something useful. Maybe this time I’ll actually finish it! We shall see.

“Just call me Wöstösö” -Worcestershire probably

Also for motorcycle maintenance! My winter sporting ended before it even got to start as it’s been plus degrees this whole week, but well, at least there’s more inspiration for servicing the bike now.

Brother from anowlther mother! Hawky here does look like the result of a hawk and owl love affair!

After shops started being open 24h we figured we could avoid others if we go after 8pm. Turns out all the other unsocial Finns thought so too. Probably best time would be mid-day when everyone is at work 😅

I got a (old) sailing boat a few years back. At least I wasn’t completely alone in that business, but the others weren’t exactly the most responsible people either. We sold the boat after a year, and I feel that I dodged a bullet by a narrow margin. I have only some experience sailing and couldn’t go by myself, also winter storage and things related to that are quite the hassle and it seemed that it would end up being my responsibility to sort those, among other things, out in the future.

Now I’ve got a motorbike and like with that boat I was at first very interested in learning stuff related to it, maintenance and everything, but it seems that I always need someone else to inspire me to keep going. Now I have to rely on my partner to take initiative. I’m totally happy fixing it and enjoy riding a lot, but can’t f*cking do it alone and that annoys me so much. I feel like a failure for not being able to “follow my dreams” without someone holding my hand. I’d like to get a van to build it into a small place for myself, but I know I couldn’t go anywhere by myself.

Now that I’ve realised this novelty-seeking tendency I try to not get too excited about new things (or at least make any investments) before I’m sure the inspiration will last. But then again I need something to be excited about to keep going. But to keep excitement going I need someone to share it with.

Maybe we need to collectively buy an island and establish a neurospice nation where we could arrange work and stuff so that there’s enough rotation to keep things interesting and allow people to hyperfocus on those things that they enjoy but let them swap when needed XD

Those were best! Waking up to mom making breakfast in the kitchen and rushing to watch cartoons. Simple days.

Damn. :( for me methylphenidate caused massive dissociation and anger, so couldn’t take it. Elvanse is much better and reduces my general anxiety a lot as well as mood swings, but evenings are getting harder and harder because of the crash and also as I’m increasing the dose I sleep worse (I fall asleep fine but wake up several times middle of night).

I realized that a big problem for myself is that I subconsciously focus intensely on anxious thoughts. I feel like Howl in Howl’s moving castle where he summons the darkness upon himself. It was really eye opening to read that difficulties with attention can show up like that.

In the beginning with Elvanse I experienced sudden thoughts/feelings about an oncoming panic attack (!ALERT! 10 SECONDS TO PANIC - 10 - 9 - 8…) but for me realizing that conscious re-directing of attention to something else helped. Then the thoughts seemed to go away at some point.

Also the starting dose (30mg) was too big for me and I’ve slowly been going from 15mg to 50mg. I mix it with water and take it over a course of about one hour so it doesn’t strike so hard and crash is not so sudden. It really wasn’t pleasant in the beginning to try to cope with the intense physical feeling it causes, especially with the attention on IS THIS NORMAL, SHOULD I BE FEELING THIS WAY, THIS CAN’T BE RIGHT -thoughts.

Some people take beta-blockers with Elvanse to reduce the physical uneasiness. For me it helps to a certain degree.

But people are different and not all meds work with everyone.

Pretty pic! Here it’s been a grey day and feels like flu is coming. I’ve again ended up overwhelming myself with work. I wish I had better understanding and tools to cope with it. It seems like I only realize it myself when the situation is already pretty bad. :( but good news is that my SO got once again clean results from post-cancer screening!