There’s a Reddit community I used to visit now and then that was for ugly people. It was so toxic and hateful. These people literally believe that they can never be happy or have a relationship because they think they’re ugly - it’s their entire identity. I worry that many outcasts fall into this trap during their formative years and it warps their view of the world like the gentleman in the video.
I think that once they get out into the real world, most folks find that looks don’t matter as much as lifestyle, personality, and compatible morals.
I didn’t think I was ugly because I thought I was ugly. I thought I was ugly because no one wanted anything to do with me for reasons I couldn’t comprehend.
I also noticed how “pretty” people didn’t have anywhere near as hard of a time socializing as I did. They were allowed to have bad personalities. Even if I was as kind and helpful as I could possibly be I’d never be treated the same way as a “pretty” person would.
It’s one of the ugly truths of human existence, that most people won’t admit.
“Looks” absolutely play a large role in inter-human relationships. But since it carries a lot of unpleasant things most people don’t want to admit, they either ignore it, or outright lie about it to make themselves feel better.
The research has been done “pretty” people earn more, get more promotions, and are generally more successful at life.
Not to say your life is over if you’re not pretty. But there is a clear advantage.
The thing to focus on is that there are many different kinds of people in the world. I grew up with a disability, and it didn’t take me long to figure out that there are people you’ll meet who just hate you for not being what they consider to be “normal.” There’s nothing you can do - they’re just going to hate you. But, I eventually found that there are also people who would never dream of doing such a thing, and will treat you neutrally until they get to know you, and will treat you well after that if you treat them well.
Yes, the assholes of the world will always be there, and they’ll make you feel like shit, but the more you can dismiss them as simply being judgemental assholes who know nothing about you, the more you’ll be able to see all the people who will treat you fairly. Sure, if you’ve got a terrible personality, then even those people will want to have nothing to do with you, but if you control the things you can control, there are a lot of people in the world who will see that and think well of you for it.
When I was young, I wanted to think of women in a way that I could look beyond typical attractiveness. I made a point to find something about everyone. It soon became apparent that everyone is beautiful in a way. Sometimes it’s not a facial feature but there’s always something. And I started to find a lot of women sexy even if I wasn’t really sexually attracted to them. As life has gone on, it’s been interesting to me how someone that might not be very pretty becomes hot as all be because of their talent or skills.
I always thought I was ugly but women always found me attractive. It was a hard thing to accept.
Honestly I looked weird mid puberty and it took me a long time to learn I’m fairly attractive. I’m not like supermodel hot or anything but it’s fair to say I’m pretty in buffalo. You can always find flaws in the mirror, the people on tv do every day. I choose not to. My wife doesn’t mind them, my girlfriend doesn’t mind them either, and neither do the women I do casual stuff with. I get a lot more benefit from doing other things with my mental energy.
There’s a Reddit community I used to visit now and then that was for ugly people. It was so toxic and hateful. These people literally believe that they can never be happy or have a relationship because they think they’re ugly - it’s their entire identity. I worry that many outcasts fall into this trap during their formative years and it warps their view of the world like the gentleman in the video.
I think that once they get out into the real world, most folks find that looks don’t matter as much as lifestyle, personality, and compatible morals.
I didn’t think I was ugly because I thought I was ugly. I thought I was ugly because no one wanted anything to do with me for reasons I couldn’t comprehend.
I also noticed how “pretty” people didn’t have anywhere near as hard of a time socializing as I did. They were allowed to have bad personalities. Even if I was as kind and helpful as I could possibly be I’d never be treated the same way as a “pretty” person would.
It’s one of the ugly truths of human existence, that most people won’t admit.
“Looks” absolutely play a large role in inter-human relationships. But since it carries a lot of unpleasant things most people don’t want to admit, they either ignore it, or outright lie about it to make themselves feel better.
The research has been done “pretty” people earn more, get more promotions, and are generally more successful at life.
Not to say your life is over if you’re not pretty. But there is a clear advantage.
The thing to focus on is that there are many different kinds of people in the world. I grew up with a disability, and it didn’t take me long to figure out that there are people you’ll meet who just hate you for not being what they consider to be “normal.” There’s nothing you can do - they’re just going to hate you. But, I eventually found that there are also people who would never dream of doing such a thing, and will treat you neutrally until they get to know you, and will treat you well after that if you treat them well.
Yes, the assholes of the world will always be there, and they’ll make you feel like shit, but the more you can dismiss them as simply being judgemental assholes who know nothing about you, the more you’ll be able to see all the people who will treat you fairly. Sure, if you’ve got a terrible personality, then even those people will want to have nothing to do with you, but if you control the things you can control, there are a lot of people in the world who will see that and think well of you for it.
I had similar experiences in my youth and it definitely warped my perception of self-worth. It took a long time to overcome.
When I was young, I wanted to think of women in a way that I could look beyond typical attractiveness. I made a point to find something about everyone. It soon became apparent that everyone is beautiful in a way. Sometimes it’s not a facial feature but there’s always something. And I started to find a lot of women sexy even if I wasn’t really sexually attracted to them. As life has gone on, it’s been interesting to me how someone that might not be very pretty becomes hot as all be because of their talent or skills.
I always thought I was ugly but women always found me attractive. It was a hard thing to accept.
Incels.
Yeah. Eliot Rodgers was a prime example.
Honestly I looked weird mid puberty and it took me a long time to learn I’m fairly attractive. I’m not like supermodel hot or anything but it’s fair to say I’m pretty in buffalo. You can always find flaws in the mirror, the people on tv do every day. I choose not to. My wife doesn’t mind them, my girlfriend doesn’t mind them either, and neither do the women I do casual stuff with. I get a lot more benefit from doing other things with my mental energy.