I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.
In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.
Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.
I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.
My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.
Hopefully, I’m not too late. What you’re going through sucks and there’s some really valid advice in some of the other comments. I urge you to take the time to read through them and consider them. I’d like to come at it from a different perspective.
Be a selfish asshole: take care of yourself first, take care of the people and things that are important to you next. Fuck everyone and everything else! The world belongs to you as much as anyone else. You’re here. You matter. Don’t let other circumstances or people take that away from you.
I could tell you to think about your family, your friends, your pets…all the people who would miss you if you follow through on this. Those are important considerations but at the end-of-the-day, those are secondhand things. You are the center! You get to define your own worth and don’t let anyone tell you differently. If someone tells you that you’re not worth it, tell them they’re full of shit. Then walk away.
Sometimes life can be a struggle. Other times, it just plain sucks. But it’s your life. You get to choose how you deal with the bad stuff. I’m hoping you choose to live and fight on. Read the other comments. Most (all?) of us have been in dark places at some point but we’re still here. You can be too.